Office Co-Workers- The Destroyer

Office Co-Worker The Destroyer
His sickle is made of poop

The Destroyer– Bringer of Death

In video games, there are a number of terms for the ultimate tool of destruction: BFG (Big Fucking Gun), The Redeemer, The Golden Gun – all of which are one shot one kill. But none of these terms do justice to the weapon of mass destruction The Destroyer possesses.

This person can wipe out nostrils regardless of cement barriers and render the bathroom a war zone for up to 30 minutes.

Unlike Jesus, The Destroyer commands no followers. But similarly, he/she should be studied closely. It is very important to know the patterns of The Destroyer, to avoid incidents in which you directly follow or, God forbid, share this person’s time in the bathroom. The absolute worst case scenario is to have a Destroyer in the office who is also a Talker. Should you find yourself in bathroom concurrently, and should The Destroyer strike up a conversation, you will be forced to inhale.

Typically, The Destroyer does not know his/her own strength. If this is true, they can be forgiven their trespasses. However, some Destroyers are conscious of their abilities and continue to subject co-workers on a daily basis.


1.  If a Destroyer happens to be an Announcer, pay close attention to their subliminal or overt intentions to defecate.

2.  Track their time, preferred bathroom and stall. If you are forced to share bathrooms, be on opposite schedules.

3.  Apply a small amount of Carmex lip balm underneath your nostrils if you must follow.

4.  Make them conscious – cautiously enter the bathroom and shout “Ugh, it smells like dead pigmes in here” in a disguised voice.

5.  If you are The Destoyer, please, please take pity on everyone else.


  • Only if you are a sadist


  • Outcast
  • You may have serious health issues
  • Everyone is talking behind your back

One thought on “Office Co-Workers- The Destroyer”

  1. At my job I often experience times of unusually high stress. I have irritable bowel syndrome, so during these periods my butt can be highly productive – and odiferous to the point where I feel like I could pass out. I am always acutely aware of people walking in and out of the restroom during these episodes, and am mortified at what they must think of me. So keep in mind that many destroyers are highly conscious of their affront to your nose and would do anything to avoid it.

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